106. Living the Dream

One of the more recent comments on my blog was that I’m living the dream. And it’s true, I am. At least my dream since I was in my teens. I’m not at all suggesting that I got it right or that everyone should do this. But it’s all that I expected it to be. Adventurous, exploring, constantly on the move, at my own pace and with people I choose to hang out with. My only real worries are that Saoirse needs to keep up with what I ask of her and that I need to stay healthy enough to keep doing what I’m doing. And that everyone I care about at home are OK. Again, to some extent so that I can keep doing what I’m doing. That’s not the only reason of course but I’m big enough to admit when I’m a bit selfish. In fact, I don’t think you’d embark on a circumnavigation if you weren’t more than a little selfish. And at the end of the day I prefer friends and family to come and experience my world rather than for me to come back to my old one.

I’m less happy with the dreams I have nowadays. The ones I have when I sleep. I frequently wake up thinking that I’ve forgotten something or that I’m in some way prevented from living up to something that I’m supposed to do. Like sitting in an audience and suddenly being announced as the next speaker on something that I’m not at all prepared to talk about. Or anything from traffic to some unforeseen event preventing me from getting to an important meeting in time. I’m in no way an interpreter of dreams but I have a feeling that it has to do with thinking that I don’t entirely deserve this carefree lifestyle.

My biggest fear is probably what to do when people that care about me one day hold some sort of intervention and simply tell me that enough is enough. When they tell me you’re too old for this, drag me off Saoirse and place me in a home somewhere. Only so that I can incoherently tell stories of far away places to any poor soul that cares to politely half listen. I think I prefer to live in the now rather than to look back at past experiences. Be it work life or past adventures.